Trust and Obey is the title of a hymn that was written in 1887 by John Sammis. We sing this hymn at church and its timeless truths have been an anchor for me during my recent trial. The words trust and obey have been a command that God has laid on my heart to carry me through.
Chris came into our home as a six day old infant. He was content and happy right from the beginning. As with Z, I thought of my MAAP training and remembered that he was with us only for a season. It was fun having a newborn in the house again and the kids were excited.
He had been with us for a little while when some concerns about his health arose and DCF asked me to bring him to the hospital. After a few hours the doctors decided to admit him. They thought he was fine, but they wanted to run different tests just to make sure. With each new procedure: getting an IV, X-rays, echocardiograms, etc., I would sing the song Amazing Grace to him. I began to notice how calm he would get as I sang to him. By singing and talking, I could keep him from moving during the different tests. When the nurses and doctors tried to comfort him he would continue to cry, but as I leaned in and sang and prayed in his ear, he would calm right down. I realized how attached he was to me and my heart melted. I broke rule number one of foster care and I started to imagine a “what if” scenario -- What if we were able to adopt him too?
A few months later DCF changed Chris’ goal to adoption. As I lay in bed at night, I was shocked to find myself in the same position I had been in with Z just a short time before -- loving a child that was not mine and wanting him to be my son. I was very apprehensive to go through the process again, but I trusted that my God was sovereign and faithful and he would give us what we needed.
We talked with the social workers about our desire to adopt him and she was encouraging. We knew that he had siblings that were in other adoption placements, but we continued to hope and pray that God would allow him to stay with us and that ultimately His will would be done. I was excited at the thought of Z and Chris growing up together. They are close in age and I knew that with my other kids being so much older, it would be good for them to have each other.
We received the call from the social worker a few days later telling us that the adoptive parents of one of Chris’ siblings were interested in adopting him. Needless to say we were upset. We had envisioned another story book ending for our family. I had naively thought that because God had allowed Z to stay with us, He would do the same for Chris. After the phone call, I went to my room to seek my Lord. As I sat on the floor weeping, I picked up my devotional and started to read the days entry. It was from Job 35:10. Spurgeon wrote “it is not in man’s power to sing when all is adverse, unless an alter-coal shall touch his lip. Ask God not to let you remain song-less because of affliction, but to tune your lips to the melody of thanksgiving. God gives you the ability to praise Him during the dark times.” I immediately began to praise the Lord and to thank Him for my many blessings, especially my husband and children. I also thanked him for my time with Chris and asked that He would conform my will to His.
Chris will stay with our family until sometime around Christmas. The social workers are still working out the logistics and trying to make a smooth transition for him and his sibling. As they are busy planning, I know that my God is behind the scenes bringing all things to pass for our good and His Glory. We are praying for Chris and his future parents. We desire for him go to a godly home where he can grow up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I am still praying for a miracle, but God has been teaching me to trust and obey Him along the way.